Dear Barack,

Please stop emailing me everyday. George Bush didn't email me. In fact, I don't even think George Bush knew what "the email" was. I mean, it's cool that you put my name in the subject line, as if we're old friends, and you're just dropping me a quick hello... but I don't want to donate $5 to Organizing for America. Last time I did that I got put on this really annoying mailing list, which I can't seem to unsubscribe from. I mean, you did send me that cool t-shirt... but it was XXL, and navy blue really isn't my color... so yeah...

Anyway, please lay off the mass emails, but feel free to shoot me a text when I can finally start going to a real hospital when I'm sick. WebMD always tells me I have tuberculosis, but I quit my job at the mill, so that can't be right.

Love,

Courtney

Californiaaaa. Californiaaaaaaaaa. Californiaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

That's the OC theme song. I swear.

Just a quick top four list of the greatest things I've discovered since moving to this big, beautiful state!

#1 Nona's Deli - 1904 Ventura Boulevard - Camarillo, CA (right next to Ola's)

This place is inside of a LIQUOR STORE. It's a hidden treasure! I have to say that it is definitely on par with Chickie's Italian Deli in Philadelphia - and that is saying A LOT. Fresh baked bread, fresh meats and vegetables. This place is phenomenal. There are a lot of reviews saying that it's too expensive - but the sandwiches are between $5 and $7, and to me, that's a steal. For $5.50 you can get the Dennicce - fresh mozzarella, tomato and basil on fresh baked italian bread. Try it once, you'll love it!

#2 Cosmetique - 10744 Washington Boulevard - Culver City, CA

B12 and B Complex shots. Five for $100 or $25 a pop. I've been getting B12 shots for about a year now. Originally I got them once a month from my doctor back east, but out here it's common place for them to be dispensed in medspas or weight loss clinics. I trust this place because they are an outpatient plastic surgery/laser cosmetic establishment, so the person who injects you is actually a board certified doctor. At other places, it can be an esthetician, which I think is pretty damn sketchy. B12 is supposed to help boost your metabolism and give you more energy. Honestly, I think it's just a placebo effect... but when you work in retail, you eat crap, you don't get enough sleep and quite frankly, vitamins are vitamins. Give it a try, it's totally painless and takes about 30 seconds. If you don't like it, don't get it again.

#3 Thai Peru - 5021 Verdugo Way - Camarillo, CA

Best Thai food in Camarillo. If you're a resident of the 603 and have tried Siam Orchid - you'll be duly impressed with this place. Unfortunately they do not have the soy sauce that Siam has, but they do have delicious Tofu Pad See-Ew which is NOODLE TOFU!! Years of searching and thousands of miles from home, I finally find comparable Thai food!

#4 Friends of the Camarillo Library - 4101 Las Posas Road - Camarillo, CA

This used bookstore is located @ the Camarillo Library... you can find pretty much any book you're looking for, and the best part? They're like 2-5 dollars each!! It's amazing. Nearly new, current books dirt cheap. I bought nine books for $21... four of them were actually hardcover, what a steal! Definitely check it out! The best part is, it directly benefits the Camarillo Public Library! Just make sure you bring CASH, they do not accept credit cards!

Screw Juaquin Phoenix - Get Some Juaquin Cameron @ Richard Nicholas Salon

Let me tell you about my hair.

It is an unruly, awful mess. You can't take this head of hair to Supercuts - although in moments of weakness, I have. The year my hair stylist at Salon Thalia got pregnant was the turning point for this white girl afro. I called the salon to make an appointment with another stylist and was given Juaquin. My follicles rejoiced.

Juaquin scolded me for using box color, but would always fix my mistakes. He would tease me for going to Supercuts, but always managed to erase the damage. I would never make an appointment for the right service (single color? full highlights? partial?), but no matter what he would always make sure I was taken care of. He would always make me walk out feeling like a numba one stunnah. My first straight, male stylist, Juaquin, is not only adorable, but very talented. Juaquin switched salons at one point, and I followed him over to Rittenhouse to see him at Richard Nicholas Salon. A pain in the ass to park there, but so worth it.

Unfortunately, duty called, and I was relocated to California. Having ten days to move, I waited until the last second to make an appointment with Juaquin before my departure... he was booked. I had to make an appointment at a subpar salon, and as I sat down in her chair, got a text from him saying he would make time for me. Unfortunately, I was already in too deep, and didn't get my final session with Juaquin. Traumatizing. Anytime I would venture out to another salon I would come home with crappy color, a choppy cut, and an empty wallet.

Today, I am making a bold move and going to Sally Beauty Salon to try to do my color on my own. If it doesn't work out, a trip to Philadelphia might be in order.

If you live in Philadelphia, and want to look pretty, please go to Richard Nicholas salon and see Juaquin.

I hate "Top Ten" lists. So here is a "Top Twelve".

Top Twelve Favorite Things About California!

12.  Unlike most channels, Lifetime does not have a different schedule for the West Coast.  That means Frasier is on at 7 am and 9 pm instead of 10 am and midnight.  Perfect!  Frasier before work AND after... no matter what my schedule!

11. I AM FREAKING TAN. 

10. Pizza Salad - Completely organic pizza in Thousand Oaks.  This place is phenomenal!  After you eat your pizza go upstairs to Tango and Tango and get a manicure & pedicure from Krysta!

9. Finally Jamba Juice is within reach!  Nothing starts your morning like a Pomegranate Paradise smoothie.  It's all fruit!  No dairy and no added sugar.  As an added bonus, there are typically some good looking dudes there.  :)

8.  The 911 Roll at Yomama Sushi in Camarillo.  The rest of the stuff is pretty "eh", but the 911 roll is amazing!  Spicy tuna topped with avocado and rooster juice.  This is the good shit, yo.  Service, not so good.  Salad, wilted and brown.  Fruit flies, kind of a nuisance.  911 Roll, awesome.

7.  The Camarillo Premium Outlets - 160 Stores!  Save 25-60% off everyday!  Check out Spyder Active Sports located in Suite 1316 of the Promenade while you're there

!  :)

6. Flip flops!  Year round!   

5.  In-N-Out!!!  I know when I first moved here I said I preferred Carl's Jr... but after a significant amount of research, I've discovered that I am retarded and In-N-Out is where it's at.

4. 

3.  The Breakfast Cafe in Camarillo.  Get the avocado omelet with no onions.  Thank me later.

2.  Everyone here has an adorable accent. I can't get over "for sure".  It's like the "wicked" of the West Coast. <3

1.  

Need I say more?

Directionally Challenged.

I live 12 miles from the beach.  On all side of me, except the side that has the beach, there are huge mountains. 

There is only one direction you can go to get to said beach.  That direction would be "straight".

Yet somehow I took a 40 mile detour through Ventura county and finally ended up in Oxnard, which is 1 exit up the Freeway.  

From here on out my GPS will remain in my car, and not in my kitchen, where it doesn't help much anyway.

June Gloom & Other Things They Don't Mention Before You Move to SoCal.

When you think about moving to California in June, you generally think of rollerblading down the boardwalk in your cut off jean shorts and half shirt.  You think of playing beach volleyball with Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski at the Malibu Sands Beach Club.  You think of sunshine, blue waters, sunsets on the beach, sitting outside eating lunch with L.C. and Stephanie Pratt.  Bonfires on the beach, burritos in the sand, getting hollered at by the Chicanos on the boardwalk.  

Think again.

"June Gloom" lingers over Southern California during the late spring/early summer.  While everyone else in the country is digging out their hot pants and tube tops, I'm putting on my sweatpants and crawling into bed after an entire day of not once seeing the sun poke through the heavy clouds.

Mornings are the worst.  There is no beautiful morning sunshine.  It's hazy and cold until early afternoon.  On the good days, the sun will grace us with its presence during the late afternoon.  On the bad days, it will hide behind the clouds like the giant wuss that I always knew it was.

So while you are all sitting in your air conditioning in Philadelphia in June, or taking trips down to the Jersey shore to bake in the sun... Please think of me, 2,800 miles away, in "sunny" California, being incredibly jealous.

State of My Union

Everything from the East Coast has finally arrived - namely my cats and my bed.

I would suggest to anyone moving cross country that you do not utilize We Move Pets.  My cats arrived smelling like public toilets.  The website makes claims of spending quality time with your pets, changing bedding daily, etc.  The towel that I sent along with them was covered in god knows what, and it was very clear that the cats had not been touched for days.  I went to Target and bought every pet bath product they had, and they still smelled like poop.  Thankfully after almost a week, they've pretty much aired out, but the guilt of what I put them through is much harder to wash away. 

On Monday the movers came - this was a much better experience!  I highly recommend using Everest Moving Systems.  Sean and Ben were incredibly helpful in facilitating an easy move, and for this I am very grateful.  Though Everest is a broker, the company that they contracted for my move was easy to work with, and not the sketchy movers that I had expected.

And they didn't break anything!

So in summation, say "no" to We Move Pets and "yes" to Everest Moving Systems.